This girl is fierce. This girl has battled. And she's battled hard. This girl has been changed.
ANXIETY. DEPRESSION. HURT. SHAME. GUILT.
ALL very real feeling... very real lifestyles. Yeah, I said lifestyles. Sometimes it feels like you have no other option but to let these things control you.
Here's another snippet of my story.
I'm here to be 100% real with you. This is where Jesus has called me. My story isn'y meant to be boxed away. I'm here to tell you EXACTLY what my Jesus has brought me through.
I was addicted to the physical affirmations of others. We know this, I've said this. BUT it wasn't just for the words. I wanted to feel something deep. I wanted to feel WORTH IT. I "found" this in sex. Yeah SEX. This is a topic that is OFTEN skimmed over. We don't take it seriously enough. The culture we live in lays such a heavy emphasis on BODIES, SEX, the idea of YOU ARE YOUR OWN QUEEN... do as you please.
THIS IS A MAJOR LIE. This is YET ANOTHER lie that CONTROLS the world and TURNS PEOPLES HEART FROM THE TRUTH OF CHRIST. The kind of lies that ultimately make HUMANS feel insignificant, unfulfilled, and unworthy.
Momentary gratification that leaves your soul empty.
By 5th grade I was introduced to sex. By 8th grade I was active. By 10th I had given up my purity. By 11th I was publicly humiliated because of it. By the end of 12th I was raped. The amount of brokenness I was left feeling was one I did not know how to cope with. Throughout this journey I found relief in drugs and alcohol. I slipped into a deeper hole of worldly fulfillment that left me empty.
This sounds like a dramatic story, and no it's not okay. BUT THIS IS ALL TOO COMMON.
Opening up to my beautiful and STRONG lady friends... I found this is nothing new. The wounds from this mind set that controlled us for so long brought HEAVY anxiety, HEAVY depression, and distrust in the Lord.
I'm here to tell you I found my release when I let go and SURRENDERED MY LIFE TO THE LORD. You wanna know something? I came to know Christ when I was in the 6th grade. I wandered on different path for a while... but NEVER REALLY KNEW WHAT TRUE SURRENDER LOOKED LIKE.
Wanna know something else? My anxiety didn't go away just because I had surrendered my life over to Christ. Actually, some of my most anxious times were when I first really dove deep into the depths of the heart of Jesus.
I've learned the enemy loves to attack the hardest when he sees the Lord doing a good work in the lives of His children and His children are OBEDIENT.
BUT WITH SURRENDER... WITH OBEDIENCE COME RESTORATIONS.
You may have watched extreme makeover or any HGTV home renovation show... but as a designer I have seen first hand the extent of the work that work that goes into the COMPLETE RESTORATION of a home.
Builders and Designers run into hiccup after hiccup through out the process. One second you think you're on track to meet the deadlines in place, and then the next... the foundation crumbles, there's unseen water damage, there are conflicting electrical issues and the whole downstairs needs to be rewired, the stairs that were just installed aren't to code by 1/16th of an inch and they have to be completely ripped out and reinstalled again... REAL THINGS.
My biggest take away from that... restorations don't com easy. They hurt. It takes digging through the nitty gritty, sifting through the hidden places. There's unseen complications... things you didn't expect. But after you've surrendered yourself to the work that needs to be done, Jesus will see it through. He will use your once crumbling foundation and turn it into a warm, masterpiece of a home that he wants to use to house the hearts of the broken.
Funny thing is, homes constantly have to have maintenance repairs and updates. We are never fully brought to completion until the day of Christ's coming. Everyday is full of unexpected pain, but also filled with so much growth... so much joy. We weren't promised happiness; we weren't promised for life to be easy. Jesus promised us joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. That so me is worth unexpected pain. So have you surrendered your heart to the restoration of Christ?
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